My birthday passed, March 23rd. A lot of developments surrounding Coronavirus took place. The government locked down the state outside of essential services until April 16th, and cases and deaths are rapidly accumulating in the state, especially in Detroit and Oakland County. My county is severely impacted as well. The president and the rich are threatening the working class to go back to work in 15 days, and to “reopen” the country at Easter. This will result in a massive wave of death.

I’m likely not sick from the virus at this point, the last external contact was 6 days ago and I have no symptoms and have plenty of energy. I’ve watched a few of my online friends fall ill from it and its quite a serious illness. Some seem to only have mild symptoms while others have quite a hard time managing it. I have no insurance and am not fully aware of my health profile, however I think paranoia and other mental illnesses are a bigger threat to my wellbeing at this point.

The entire situation has really shaken me up to my core and I have been very unproductive in the last few weeks. I feel like I’ve fallen away from my goals and my friends through my panic, losing a connection with them. Paranoia grips me intensely as I struggle with trusting my room mate’s capabilities to handle the situation properly.

Max Lib’s development is in a complicated refactoring stage as well. It will probably take a month of intense refactoring to get the main part of the application running again. So I have a lot of work ahead of me. Hopefully my brain can return back to normal so I can be productive again before the world collapses.

I’ve been thinking about my sister again. I watched Night on the Galactic Railroad and it deeply resonated with me, maybe I will write a review of it in the future on this blog. I’ve been suffering with a lot of invisible grief. This is the third birthday without her and the first time I really feel like I’ve truly grasped even remotely some of her struggle. It hurts immensely. April 3rd is coming. I’m not sure if I’m ready for the wave of death from the past and the future.

posted on 05:10:00 PM, 03/25/20 filed under: personal [top]